is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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