Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
