So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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