Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
how drunk are you?
Several
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
