question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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