why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
