he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
