please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
