ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
