Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You can't special order awesome
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
