i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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