I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
