She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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