he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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