I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I CAN MOONWALK!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
