Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
