I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
