Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
