My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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