Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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