Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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