Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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