That's intense
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
