There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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