i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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