Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
