so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
