If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
