K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
