So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
