I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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