I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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