Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
