drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
