You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
