my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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