what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
