Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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