so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
