I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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