There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's blow job season.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
