Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
