Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
