dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
