I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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