the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
