He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
