you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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