Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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