I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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