Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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