She just used a chaser for red wine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
