Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
