just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
