Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
