I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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